A few years back, there was some really immature drama to drop on one side of my family. To sum it up, there was a Covid Wedding that none of my immediate family attended except me cause I was a bridesmaid in it (I didn’t want to back out) thus the rest of the family were all mad my parents and sibling missed the wedding. They didn’t accept or acknowledge the fact that I got a hotel, risked my health, and made my bf go to the wedding, which was PRE vaccine, mind you.
Luckily, I didn’t get covid. We had an alright time even though the other girls in the wedding didn’t act like they liked me, probably because I didn’t go on the covid beach trip, prior to the wedding, and I also didn’t stay to dance at the wedding, because I was ready to go back home since nobody wore a mask and this was before vacinations, and I didn’t want to get sick (my mom has a lot of health issues, so I didn’t want to get her sick, mainly.)
A year later, after things were up and running and the pandemic was in the rear view mirror (everyone was vaxed at this point), my sibling and his wife tied the knot. The family were still angry about my parents and sibling not going to that wedding, that they boycotted the wedding, out of spite.
I never really felt loved by that family, because I’ve always felt the black sheep of the family is my father, and he belongs to that side. Not only that, but they dislike my mother, and there’s been drama and tension since I was a child, that was very blatant, unfortunately. Not only do my parents not get along, but they had extra issues due to my dad’s family adding on to their already tumultuous relationship. There was also favoritism being played between grandchildren, and those of us who lived out of town were def not the most liked.
I have always been a person who is light hearted, and tries to give the benefit of the doubt. However, now that I’ve grown up a lot and had a long time to reflect, I no longer want to deal with extra stress of family who only pretend to like or accept me and my immediate family.
I decided 3 yrs ago to quit seeing things with rose tinted glasses and excusing crappy behavior just because someone has the same blood as me. I haven’t talked to or seen that family, and it has been nice, almost like a burden being lifted off of my shoulders. There’s been almost 0 drama, which brings me to my next point…
These last 3 years, I had been trying to keep a relationship with my grandmother on that side, even through all the bs and drama (that she often creates or condones), and knowing that she’s never even liked my parents, and is too narcissistic to ever love anyone except herself. My main reasoning was to appease my father, because he is a textbook covert narcissist himself, which means he’s extremely difficult to get along with. I was trying to force a bond with her, just to make my dad happy, because when he is unhappy, he will try to make your life miserable. I just can’t justify doing this any longer. I am an adult, and I’m ready to make my own choices, and if he is going to treat me badly over it and berate me, oh well. At least I don’t have to visit him either. So some distance will be required there probably as well.
Not that I need to justify my case against grandmother, but I would like to share some abusive behaviors that happened with her and I, within the last couple of years that led to my decision to go NC with her as well from now forward. (If you wonder why it took so long to escape this situation, it’s because my dad puts up with this kind of abuse and acccepts it as normal, and he also treats others this way, so I grew up thinking I HAVE to put up with this treatment. It is a viscious cycle that’s extremely difficult to leave.)
::Redflags from over the years::
1) One time she told my dad to tell me to bring shears to cut her hair. I told him no, and that I was not comfortable doing a narcissist’s hair, because they are never satisfied. He apparently didn’t relay the message… When he left me alone with her in person when we visited her, she cornered me with an evil glint in her eyes, fussing at me for not bringing my hair tools. This went on for a few minutes, even after I told her I never wanted to do anyone’s hair again, which is why I left the hair industry. I actually took out my phone to text so that I could ignore her stare after a couple minutes of her trying to shame me…
2) Every Time I would visit she would try to shame me about my bf not visiting. She would ask where he is, what he is doing, why we don’t visit, etc. (He isn’t big on his own family, much less visiting a judgemental ninny he isn’t related to…)
3) When she was left alone with me one time, she fake cried, cornered me, and told me that I’ll be lonely if I never have children, and that I’m not too old to have kids. She told me how her children do sooo much for her… I reminded her that we are All alone in the end, typically after a spouse dies, and that I accept that.
4) She called me “bow legged” as a child. I am not, and luckily because I was a dancer, I had good self esteem. My dad told me I had wrinkles as a child because I pointed out his crows feet lol, luckily I was extremely confident and not shaken by the immaturity…
5) She cornered me when she had me alone again, grabbed my arm, tugging it, and telling me I had to come to her birthday. I told her I was not interested in going and didn’t want to see other family there. To which she told me that I am “holding a grudge” and that I should “understand the whole family is mad at me for not going to my cousin’s wedding”… Which I quickly reminded her, I did go, and was in the wedding…… and that’s also where she met my bf……. so she believes lies just to suit her narrative that my immediate family and I are the “bad guys”. She also stared at me like she hated me, and pouted. Even though that day I brought her a present and went shopping with her… but it didn’t count because it wasn’t on her real birthday…
6) When I used to call her, she one time fake cried and complained about how my sibling doesn’t visit her and hasn’t seen her in years. No duh, you did skip his wedding…. so…. lol. They were never close though.
7) She used to scold my grandfather for having dementia, even in front of me and other family… and scolded him for wetting his pants later on when his mobility and mind got even worse. She did this infront of me, without batting an eye.
8) One year on my birthday, I accidentally answered her phone call. She told me, “You didn’t call me on my birthday.. but I decided to call you on your’s”… Why would I call her when she treats me so bad????
9) She’s been upset before because I don’t go to church… and am not religious… yet she’s racist and uses slurs… She def doesn’t do what Jesus would…
10) She sends passive aggressive cards in the mail. One said, “I’m your only grandparent left, you have to come see me. I need you to visit me to make me happy. ” Threatening almost… I’ve never seen her happy, she’s usually complaining about every thing, so I don’t think I can make her happy.
There are Many, MANY, MANY more reasons and scenarios that have played out.
Anyways, thanks for reading. I highly suggest moving on from anyone who treats you badly. Make your own traditions, don’t look back, and you’ll feel much more at peace in life.
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