March Decor For the Whole Month

You guys are aware that I don’t put up decorations for every holiday.  Mainly just my birthday/christmas tree, some velvet pumpkins in fall, and a seasonal sign that changes with holidays.

In the spotlight this month,  I have some fake grapes,  and  Madonna Song on my gelt board to salute Saint Patrick’s Day. 

I enjoy pastel colors and bunnies,  but I’ve never decorated for Easter, just because,  maybe it reminds me too much of church. HOWEVER, I understand that Esther is Pagan and doesn’t have to do with cult like festivities.

I’m still doing my doll YouTube.  I’ve been focusing more on long form content.  I’ve gotten better at editing in the last couple of months.  Check it out,  it’s family friendly videos weekly!! Youtube.com/lurkingcaro.

VALENTINES Simple Decor for the Whole Month

I’ve never decorated for V Day, but I am a sucker for anything pink and think the combo of red with pink is TO DIE FOR.

My man loves shopping at Target,  and I don’t like it that much or find many things for me. A lot of Target’s things are cheap garbage trinkets that appeal to basic bitches, pardon my French.

This squishy fabric gnome that is neon fuschia is no exception, but my bf got it for me because he saw me petting it. I wish it were better quality because the sequins were already falling off it before we even got out of the store. Oh well,  it’s only 3 dollars and I’ll keep it around a while.  Maybe I can glue things on it and make it look cooler and more unique, once it starts to look worse.

So the cake and the dessert gnome will probably be year round decorations for me. I’ve had them a little while now and I don’t get tired of them. I absolutely love the texture,  warmness, and the whole aesthetic of faux foods and drinks. In kindergarden my school classroom had tons of fake foods, and I enjoyed playing with all the foam, squishy textures,  as well as the harder plastic items.  We also had a pit of rice and beans that were dry, and it was way fun to put hands in for a great feel. I’m really into tactile things like that!

I love the sign that I have because it’s versatile for any of the year and matches everything!!

Outfit of the Day: Y2K Simple

This is something I would have worn in 2002 and it is back in style today! The black button up short sleeve is Lands End, the camisole is really old, and I just found it again in the last year. The pants are brand new, from Aeropostale! They are parachute cargo pants. I love them because they have a stretch waist, and can be adjusted to make them tighter at the ankles. I’m wearing my mom’s tennis shoes by Adidas here, but they look even better with boots.

I also had on a pink dust bunny necklace, and a octopus hairbow. You could say I’m going back to my emo roots from 18 years ago.

Why I Don’t Want the “Nicest” Handbags

A little backstory:

Back 8 or 9 years ago, I had finished hair school, after having finished a university degree that led to nowhere. I imediately started working at a franchise hair salon inside of Walmart so I could start paying off student loans for 4 year college and private hair school. What a world we live in, getting jobs just to pay off loans for schools we had to go to in order to get said jobs… but I digress.. 🤔😵‍💫🥴🥴🥴

I had fun at that job, especially the first year there, despite only making $7.25 an hour (I hated the rude clients though, and left after the second year there). Some of the coworkers were hilarious, the manager was great, and I really liked shopping inside of the big, clean Walmart for lunch or anything else I needed after work! It was a great Walmart to be at, very large and spotless.

The hair salon was not owned by Walmart of course. I liked the company okay, even though it paid slave wages, and only part time hours which means no benefits or moving up, etc. At the time I was still living with my parents, so I saved as much as I could.

One day, one of the big wigs from the hair company came to speak with us. She was super friendly, professional, and had a lot of achievements under her belt, which is why she got the position of a higher up, I imagine. She told us we need to create vision boards. So we sat there coming up with ideas of things we WANTED. She encouraged us to put goals, like traveling, big trips, cars, and other luxury items.

I was no fool, but at the same time, I was freshly out of college, and making a paycheck for the FIRST time in my life, so I didn’t know much. I didn’t really care to travel. I’ve never traveled far, and I’m not that interested, especially only making minimum wage… That’s not a thought that regularly crossed my mind, if at all.

I decided in that moment to cut out photos of handbags and paste them on the vision board, a long with a car, and I can’t remember anything else. At the time I had a few purses or bags from websites such as Tradesy and brick and mortar stores like TJMAXX. This is the most feasable way to scoop up trendy brands like Marc Jacobs or Kate Spade, if you are a regular person on a budget. Besides who wants to spend any more than those prices, not me!!

I had already began the small collecting of bags (even in middle school I carried small makeup bags and purses, then in high school bigger bags were popular), but I think after this moment in the hair salon, I may have collected some bags for the WRONG reasons. I blame the big wig and the stupid assignment of gluing down greedy “goals”, which were actually just connsumerististic, shallow dreams. I believe they just wanted us to focus on something that would take all of our money so that we had to keep working for them, without sick days, and on call even on off days… for $7.25. (I am not bitter, I honestly think this was their intention at the company. Smart and evil on their part, really. )

Let me explain why this led to me purchasing a few bigger purses that were fancy brands…. I guess you can argue that I have always had this blog, and enjoyed sharing handbags, occasionally. But within the last 8 or 9 years, I bought more handbags than I would like to admit. Even on Mercari when they would give me coupons, purses were what I spent on.

Did I subconciously think that the purses meant that I had status or that it looked like I had status to others? I think so. Which is pretty funny because overall, I get more compliments on my cheaper, smaller handbags, than any of my Brahmin, Tory Burch, Coach, or Michael Kors bags. I ended up having so many hangbags spilling out of the closet, that I was annoyed, and started selling them!

The bigger the purse, the more likely I am to put it up for sale now. I’ve started carrying small, pink, fluffy, very aesthetic bags. Most of my bigger satchels and shoulder bags are too cumbersome and I’m done with them. I barely carry anything with me, so it’s logical to go smaller.

I’ve learned that it is better to go with my style and what I want, and who cares about the brand or what other people think or say about the bag when they see me with it. I’m done waiting to be noticed or appreciated. I’m doing what I want, and screw the rest!!

The last couple of years, I’ve sold a Betty Boop bag, a Fight Club bag, faux channel bag, a milk carton purse, bobba tea crossbody, a Brahmin bag, Tinkerbell bag, Betsey Johnson Clutch, a Prada makeup bag, and maybe more that I can’t think of right now.

I’ve thrown away or donated, a big Coach bag, a giant Michael Kors satchel, a faux Hermes bag, and a damaged, aging, Kate Spade bag, and several bags from high school or before.

I keep my handbags in this clear, waterproof moving bag!

So far I have sold 12 handbags,  donated a few,  thrown some away.  I’ve come a long way!

Decluttering goal: Downsizing Clothing to 100

This year I thought long and hard about what I wanted to donate, toss, and sell. I used to have upwards of 300 clothing items. I’ve never liked shopping, and I’ve never grown in size, for like twenty years, so I had things dating back to middle school.

The main reasons I wanted to get down to 100 clothing items, is because it is much more simple to have less. It’s less to manage, clean, take care of, etc. So I’m happier with a more curated collection.

In my collection, I don’t like basic beige and other neutrals for every outfit. I’ve seen a lot of people create smaller wardrobes and they have very bland taste, IMO. I have a very eclectic, alternative style, so this is why I don’t do the capsule how others typically do it. I would be bored and it wouldn’t be me to wear a cream trench coat, chelsea boots, or a wool turtleneck.

I have a pink hoodie, graphic tees, printed leggings, and some pieces are standouts among crowded rooms. That’s just how I am with my style.

This coming year I will work on selling a couple more handbags. I am pretty much over large bags, I mainly use very small purses, crossbodies, and sometimes, tiny bookbags. Most of the bags I use are fuzzy, furry, anthropromorphic, or are at least, pink in color.

Hello Kitty onesie that I wore on Christmas Day !

My leopard Uggs, black joggers, pink hoodie, and furry crossbody from Target, which is made out of recycled stuff.

Going No Contact With Toxic Family: 3 Years In

A few years back, there was some really immature drama to drop on one side of my family. To sum it up, there was a Covid Wedding that none of my immediate family attended except me cause I was a bridesmaid in it (I didn’t want to back out) thus the rest of the family were all mad my parents and sibling missed the wedding. They didn’t accept or acknowledge the fact that I got a hotel, risked my health, and made my bf go to the wedding, which was PRE vaccine, mind you.

Luckily, I didn’t get covid. We had an alright time even though the other girls in the wedding didn’t act like they liked me, probably because I didn’t go on the covid beach trip, prior to the wedding, and I also didn’t stay to dance at the wedding, because I was ready to go back home since nobody wore a mask and this was before vacinations, and I didn’t want to get sick (my mom has a lot of health issues, so I didn’t want to get her sick, mainly.)

A year later, after things were up and running and the pandemic was in the rear view mirror (everyone was vaxed at this point), my sibling and his wife tied the knot. The family were still angry about my parents and sibling not going to that wedding, that they boycotted the wedding, out of spite.

I never really felt loved by that family, because I’ve always felt the black sheep of the family is my father, and he belongs to that side. Not only that, but they dislike my mother, and there’s been drama and tension since I was a child, that was very blatant, unfortunately. Not only do my parents not get along, but they had extra issues due to my dad’s family adding on to their already tumultuous relationship. There was also favoritism being played between grandchildren, and those of us who lived out of town were def not the most liked.

I have always been a person who is light hearted, and tries to give the benefit of the doubt. However, now that I’ve grown up a lot and had a long time to reflect, I no longer want to deal with extra stress of family who only pretend to like or accept me and my immediate family.

I decided 3 yrs ago to quit seeing things with rose tinted glasses and excusing crappy behavior just because someone has the same blood as me. I haven’t talked to or seen that family, and it has been nice, almost like a burden being lifted off of my shoulders. There’s been almost 0 drama, which brings me to my next point…

These last 3 years, I had been trying to keep a relationship with my grandmother on that side, even through all the bs and drama (that she often creates or condones), and knowing that she’s never even liked my parents, and is too narcissistic to ever love anyone except herself. My main reasoning was to appease my father, because he is a textbook covert narcissist himself, which means he’s extremely difficult to get along with. I was trying to force a bond with her, just to make my dad happy, because when he is unhappy, he will try to make your life miserable. I just can’t justify doing this any longer. I am an adult, and I’m ready to make my own choices, and if he is going to treat me badly over it and berate me, oh well. At least I don’t have to visit him either. So some distance will be required there probably as well.

Not that I need to justify my case against grandmother, but I would like to share some abusive behaviors that happened with her and I, within the last couple of years that led to my decision to go NC with her as well from now forward. (If you wonder why it took so long to escape this situation, it’s because my dad puts up with this kind of abuse and acccepts it as normal, and he also treats others this way, so I grew up thinking I HAVE to put up with this treatment. It is a viscious cycle that’s extremely difficult to leave.)

::Redflags from over the years::

1) One time she told my dad to tell me to bring shears to cut her hair. I told him no, and that I was not comfortable doing a narcissist’s hair, because they are never satisfied. He apparently didn’t relay the message… When he left me alone with her in person when we visited her, she cornered me with an evil glint in her eyes, fussing at me for not bringing my hair tools. This went on for a few minutes, even after I told her I never wanted to do anyone’s hair again, which is why I left the hair industry. I actually took out my phone to text so that I could ignore her stare after a couple minutes of her trying to shame me…

2) Every Time I would visit she would try to shame me about my bf not visiting. She would ask where he is, what he is doing, why we don’t visit, etc. (He isn’t big on his own family, much less visiting a judgemental ninny he isn’t related to…)

3) When she was left alone with me one time, she fake cried, cornered me, and told me that I’ll be lonely if I never have children, and that I’m not too old to have kids. She told me how her children do sooo much for her… I reminded her that we are All alone in the end, typically after a spouse dies, and that I accept that.

4) She called me “bow legged” as a child. I am not, and luckily because I was a dancer, I had good self esteem. My dad told me I had wrinkles as a child because I pointed out his crows feet lol, luckily I was extremely confident and not shaken by the immaturity…

5) She cornered me when she had me alone again, grabbed my arm, tugging it, and telling me I had to come to her birthday. I told her I was not interested in going and didn’t want to see other family there. To which she told me that I am “holding a grudge” and that I should “understand the whole family is mad at me for not going to my cousin’s wedding”… Which I quickly reminded her, I did go, and was in the wedding…… and that’s also where she met my bf……. so she believes lies just to suit her narrative that my immediate family and I are the “bad guys”. She also stared at me like she hated me, and pouted. Even though that day I brought her a present and went shopping with her… but it didn’t count because it wasn’t on her real birthday…

6) When I used to call her, she one time fake cried and complained about how my sibling doesn’t visit her and hasn’t seen her in years. No duh, you did skip his wedding…. so…. lol. They were never close though.

7) She used to scold my grandfather for having dementia, even in front of me and other family… and scolded him for wetting his pants later on when his mobility and mind got even worse. She did this infront of me, without batting an eye.

8) One year on my birthday, I accidentally answered her phone call. She told me, “You didn’t call me on my birthday.. but I decided to call you on your’s”… Why would I call her when she treats me so bad????

9) She’s been upset before because I don’t go to church… and am not religious… yet she’s racist and uses slurs… She def doesn’t do what Jesus would…

10) She sends passive aggressive cards in the mail. One said, “I’m your only grandparent left, you have to come see me. I need you to visit me to make me happy. ” Threatening almost… I’ve never seen her happy, she’s usually complaining about every thing, so I don’t think I can make her happy.

There are Many, MANY, MANY more reasons and scenarios that have played out.

Anyways, thanks for reading. I highly suggest moving on from anyone who treats you badly. Make your own traditions, don’t look back, and you’ll feel much more at peace in life.